After the surgery there were wonderful people. People who brought meals, sent cards, sent flowers, called me, hugged me, and people who told me I could call them in the middle of the night if I needed to. There were so many people that cared about me.
There were friends that told me they knew there was no replacing the baby that I had lost. Friends who told me they had no idea what I was going through but they were there for me.
Everyone was so caring and yet it was so hard to be around others at first. Sometimes people wouldn't say a word about what had happened to me which felt so strange. If someone else meaningful in my life had died friends would surely have talked about that. But sometimes people didn't mention it and it hurt. You would think maybe I would just bring it up but I couldn't. It felt so awkward to begin talking about my loss and I felt tongue tied.
Every day talking about it got easier. I would share with a new person what happened. Sharing was so healing. It felt right. For me, sharing what I went through made it more real. I have nothing to remember this baby by. No pictures, nothing. Sometimes it felt as if I was the only one who would remember that the baby even existed which made her seem unimportant. By talking about it and sharing my feelings my loss and grief became more real and important. It felt like others in my life were saying yes, this is a huge loss and yes you should feel grief. It was so reaffirming and exactly what I needed.
As I shared with friends that were important in my life and as they responded by caring, I felt like pieces of my pain were healing. Each time a friend called or wrote a note or sent flowers I felt the holes in my heart were being filled. I desperately needed my friends and I needed them to care about me and about my baby.
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